So my schools like use me as keynote speaker… which I am not. I am much better at being a small group speaker with really good kids. That’s my strength. But the insist on using me because I’m available and free. So each year I put together a presentation for the Seniors during STAR testing. I guess I’m just an entertaining baby sister. Well below is my speech for this year. Graduation and my summer vacation is just around the corner… (:
Family, Friends, Faculty, and fellow classmates of the Class of 1998 of Wheatland High School and/or Class of 2011 of Yuba City High School, I come to you a wiser man. Not by the fact that someone over night flew over my bed and bestowed all this knowledge on me. Although that would be pretty awesome, the reality is that I’ve been kicked in the shins a couple of times by life. But the best thing about getting bruised up is that eventually you heal and go back to normal life a little bit smarter. Hopefully you don’t do it again, because who likes to walk around with bruises all day?
The reality of the fact is that I am not famous beyond my little circle of influence. I’m awesome; there’s no doubt about that. But the fact is that I never really wanted to be famous in the first place. I just want to live a good life and share it with the people I love. So to tell you to go out there and change the world would be a little hypocritical of me. I hope that the little things that I do in life like what I am doing now is my way of creating some change in our world. Although after being in my speech for a little under a minute now, I would hope you would be kind to me on your tweets, texts, or facebook statuses. I’m just warming up. But the change you want to create might be monumental and I wish that you obtain that change. For me, I just want to make our world a better place a little bit at a time. I’m much more personal than getting on TV and pledging for money for our world’s disasters. We need those people out there as well—I am just not one of them. My contribution is paying forward what was given to me. I have people I’ve encountered through my job or teaching that I have served as a guide just as adults in my teenage years did for me. They listened to me complain and called me on when they knew I was trying to give less than my best. There are people in your life whether it is a teacher, friend, family member, or random person you met in your life that are rooting for you. They will have or already have made sacrifices for you to help you achieve your goals. When you reach that point when you can give back, do so. Find someone who needs your help and pay it forward. I know this sounds a bit cheesy, but it really does work—plus it’s a pretty good movie too. You will be in a position to help someone else—older or younger—that can benefit for what you can offer them. Share it.
The other thing I would recommend sharing is your friendship. High school was a great four years for me. Although it wasn’t the best years of my life—it was just the platform in which I flew. This is just a very small window of time in your life. And I can be honest and say high school has been hell for some of you in the crowd. For that I apologize that you didn’t find what you needed. But don’t give up. In June, you will move on from here a stronger person and you will find what you seek. A place of acceptance and comfort tailored for your needs. High school, no matter where it is, tries to be everything to everyone. But it’s just not possible. Yet, you have two months left in this place to make the best of it. If you’re carrying anger for not fitting in, let it go. For those stopping others from being accepted, let it go. We all share a common experience here and just keeping people down to keep them down is juvenile and requires just too much energy than just acknowledging people for who he or she is. I’m not saying everyone has to have a giant group hug after this speech, but smiling and saying hello to people as you pass them makes a big difference. I challenge you to just go one day to say hello to everyone you make eye contact with in the halls. Not only will you freak them out, an added bonus for you, but you turn their impression of you just a little bit. And honestly, when I am out and about in schools or in the wild as I refer the rest of the world, I love freaking people out by saying hello to strangers or holding the door open for them. When people ask me how I’m doing my usual response is “living the dream.” I don’t say it with sarcasm or meanness because in reality that is what I am doing… living my dream. Sure, there are things that I don’t really want to do. But those tasks allow me to do the things I love.
This is a special note to those girls in the audience. If you’re mad with one of your friend over a boy, let it go big time. Most of the times, by the time your high school reunion rolls around they are either bald or fat. Your friendship is worth more than relationship. Guys, you handle conflict differently and we know how’s that’s done. So we’ll leave it at that.
I am in the process of getting married this summer. I say it’s a process because I feel like I’m writing a peace treaty for the Middle East. Which brings me to my next point… don’t get married until you know who you are as a person first. I love my fiancée very much. I am happy that I am coming to her in the state I am not the way I was five years ago. I did a lot growing in my twenties. I learned much. I traveled all over the world. I got to experience what I needed to feel accomplished. For everyone, it’s different. But just be aware that before you bring someone else in your life that you know who you are as an individual first. I have seen too many of friends marry when they weren’t ready only to find out later that they grew distant and changed from his or her partner. For you, figure out what YOU want to accomplish in life. It might be completing college, traveling, obtaining a certain financial status, or taking care of some emotional business. Take a moment to figure out what YOU want out of life first, then go out and get it.
Now I might get in trouble for my next point. But land the helicopters kids. If you are unaware of the term helicopter mommies and daddies, it means parents who hover over their children and never give them any room to do anything on their own. You’re going out into the world as legal adult now. You have to stop letting your parents do everything for you. Take some responsibility for your life and its direction. Nothing is more frustrating for me to have my fiancée come home from work at Chico State and tell me that someone met with a student and her mother today. First, back in my day (and I’m only eight years out), I would never call my parents to come meet with someone on campus with me… unless they wanted a check. Even then my parents, who were pretty aloof to the whole college thing, would tell me to figure it out. On one hand, I always held a little resentment to my parents for not being more involved in my life, but in this situation, I was glad for their complete lack of enthusiasm. It made me struggle in college indirectly and has made me more appreciative for my achievements that hang on my wall. I’m not saying to cut your parents completely out of your life but they should be getting progress reports from you not their approval on everything you’re doing.
BECAUSE, you’re going to make mistakes in life… lots of them. Some will be minor and some will be colossal. I remember a poster that used to hang in Ms. Miranda’s class when I was in high school. It said a mistake doesn’t become an error until you refuse to fix it. Mistakes in life will happen but how your respond and recover from them will define your character. Don’t be afraid to admit you messed up and try to make it right. Whether it is with your friends, family, or a loved one, always begin with a thoughtful and sincere apology and then try to make it right for them. And trust me, those big mistakes, you won’t forget them. They will still give you a little shiver when you think about them years from when they happened. But it will remind you of the lesson you learned and keep you moving forward.
A movie that is near and dear to my heart is “Meet the Robinsons.” If you haven’t seen the movie, I would recommend it. One of the main premises of the movie was based on Walt Disney’s philosophy (no consciences that Disney produced the movie) was keep moving forward. You can’t dwell on the what ifs or how comes in life. Instead, keep your head pointed up and work with the situation you have. I try to avoid cliques but this one is funny to me. When life throws you lemons, make lemonade. I love it. Because it’s true… why complain that someone has put an obstacle in your way? Instead, use that obstacle to work for you. Plus I really like lemonade anyways.
Lemonade always tastes better with friends and loved ones on a hot summer day. Find ways to expand your support unit. Wherever your path takes you from here, find a mentor or five to help you show you the way. I was lucky enough in high school and college to find people in my life that shared a common vision and were able to help guide me through my experiences. Some of these mentors are still good friends of mine and I look to them as friends now. I am forever in their debt and the only way I know how to repay them is to take others under my wing to help guide them. Each year, either as a Herff rep or as a teacher, I always had one or two project students. These were students that tended to gravitate to me because face it, I’m pretty awesome. But there was something that I could teach them beyond my content area or job. I taught them about life as how I see it. That’s what I’m doing now on a larger scale, I’m teaching you about life as I see it. Everyone in this world has a story to tell about how they got where they are… rags to riches people, homeless, war veterans, grandparents, to your own parents. Take a moment to ask your parents or grandparents about how they grew up. The people that I have the most respect are my grandparents. My grandfather was a Depression baby that grew up with nothing in Oklahoma and worked his way on the railroad to San Francisco with nothing in his wallet. He worked hard to build a family and businesses through his life. When he married my grandmother, he didn’t have much. But he would work two jobs and eventually built a good life for him and his family. He was one of my biggest cheerleaders when he was alive. When I was younger, part of our family’s tradition would be for my grandparents to come visit on Sundays and we would do our shopping together. I would get a $10 allowance from them and it was my favorite day of the week… not just because of the money. My mom, grandma, and sisters would roam around the stores. Sometimes I would join them or other times, I would go sit with my grandpa in the car especially during football season. He was an adamant 49ers fan and he would listen to the game on the radio. It was during these little moments I learned so much about him and his journey. It made me appreciate everything he and my gma did for me. I didn’t hurt that I was their favorite. But even though he’s gone, my gma always reminds me that she doesn’t miss him because I remind her so much of him… just as feisty.
Being feisty doesn’t make me mean. I care about the people and world around me. If you really knew me, you would know that I would do anything I can to help someone. However, one of the lines I remember sticking with me from a television show character was “don’t take my kindness as a sign of weakness.” I encourage you to help others when they are in need. Also, just because someone is always there for you, doesn’t give you the right to take advantage of the kindness. I will tell you one thing about me; I don’t allow people to take advantage of me. I learned that there’s a line that I’m willing to take to help someone. Once that line is crossed, I will let you know. I am not a weak person, but I am kind.
When you encounter a kind person like me that is willing to help you, take it. Don’t take advantage of the person, but accept what they are willing to offer you. I’ll tell you for a fact that I will never OFFER someone to help move. I might have to be guilted or bribed into doing it. Nothing is worse than helping someone move because it’s always mass chaos and tons of work. Yet, I’ll help you fix your computer no problem. My therapist told me something really valuable about people offering to help you… if they didn’t want to help you, they wouldn’t offer. I used to always felt guilty asking or taking help from others around me. But when you think about it the way my therapist presents it, why should I deny them the blessing of helping me?
For you never know when someone might be back in your life. I believe you should never burn a bridge in life if you don’t have to do it… you might not know when you have to cross it again. Meaning, don’t destroy a relationship if you can avoid it. Of course, you might break up with someone or decide at that moment that your relationship as it is isn’t working. But over time, you might find yourself in a different situation where you and that person can work. I would use my friend Jake as an example. We didn’t speak for four or five years because we had a different opinion about choices in his life. Did I hate him? No. We just didn’t agree on some big stuff. But when his mother got cancer and passed away last year, we were both in a place where we could be friends again. I never lost value the relationship I had with my friend, just at that time, the bridge we built wasn’t being used. But when we needed it, it was there for us.
We cross paths with so many people in our lives over time. You never know when someone you encounter will be monumental in your life. People that I love and value having in my life I couldn’t even believe where I met some of them. Some are from my job, college, or childhood that you expect. Then there are the random friends I meet in the airport, conferences, at the gym, out and about in town, or through other friends. When I think about how I meet these people, I begin to wonder to myself if I am a crazy magnet. Possible. But really what it is that I don’t close myself off to people. Going against all what you know already, strangers are just friends you haven’t met yet. Now, I’m not suggesting you climb into a van with someone who is offering you candy. In normal, safe environments, if you strike up conversations with people, you really are sharing a part of you. Over time, you might see them often (like I do with my gym buds) and you slowly build a friendship. But I surprise myself sometimes when I talk to some other friends and I mention who I know and how, they are amazed by how connected I am. I’m not really connected because I want to be connected. I am connected because I was brave enough to say hello first.
As I close my ramblings, if I could leave you with anything it’s this. From the words of Natasha Bedingfield’s song “Touch”
Every choice we’re making, every road we take
Every interaction starts a chain reaction
We’re both affected when we least expected it
She’s right you know. Every choice you make set off a new path in your life. Nothing in life is by chance. You set yourself up by the decisions you make. I can trace things back in my life to a decision that I made. I can trace my decision to leave teaching that brought me to my marriage and being with you right now. But I also affected those around me. From my friends and students I left in Salinas to you today. I am grateful for the opportunities this life has given me so far. I am truly blessed with a great life and good health that I can’t show my appreciation enough. The best way I can do it is encourage you to look for the good around you and try to help others find the good surrounding them. When you graduate in June, I wish you nothing but good health and prosperity. I won’t wish you luck because I know in this life, nothing is by luck. You will make your destiny and I know it will be amazing. Now go forth and be great.
