Insanity is a dish best served microwaved

So I learned quickly that having children is quite difficult.  Going from zero kids to three is a little too much for this guy to handle.  This weekend I volunteered to watch my nephews while my sister went to a concert.  I thought it would be fun because I haven’t really got a chance to see them in a while.  So on Saturday afternoon, Jen and I drove down to Marysville to go get the little rugrats. I was smart enough from the last experience to make sure that I had reinforcements helping me.  On the way back Jen kept them occupied while we drove back to Chico.

We got back to my house and I planned on taking them to a movie.  Selfishly, I wanted to see Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs and I need some kids with me so I didn’t look so silly.  This was my nephews (aka the nephs) first time going to a theater in their lives.    Of course being the nice uncle that I am, I got them popcorn, soda, and candy.  A price I know I would pay later in the evening.  We also took them to see it in 3D which was a hoot too.  The movie wasn’t that great in 3D and I made frequent trips to the bathroom with all the boys.

After we got through with the movie, smart Robby decided to take the boys to McDonalds for dinner because it is the only place in Chico with a playland still.  I figured they need to run off the sugar they consumed in the past two hours.  They ran crazy for about an hour, ate a little, as Jen and I made fun of the helicopter mom in the same area.  She tried to tell a three year old that he had three minutes left in the play area.  Like the kid has a watch or even really cares.

When we got home, I put the boys in the bathtub and then we turned on Hook thinking it would knock them out early.  My sister told me that they went to bed at around 9:30.  Lies.  10p rolls around and all three of them are very much awake.  As the movie comes to an end, they all almost fall asleep at the same time.  Jen and I turn the movie off and I take Peyton into bed with me because I’m scared he’s going to fall off the couch.  He winds up kicking and getting mad every time I rolled over.

I woke up, made the boys breakfast, and let them run around a bit.  They got restless and wanted to go to the park.  I grabbed a few magazines and walked over.  I learned a few things on this adventure:

1. Don’t pick up cell phones on the ground—it’s just too much work to be nice and try to get it back to the right person.
2. I am the heavy.  I’m fun as long as you’re behaving.  Step out of line and I will crush you.  Don’t touch the walls or the windows and we’ll get along smashingly.
3. I am not a helicopter parent.  My nephs were pushing each other in the mud and I didn’t even notice.  I just kept flipping the pages of magazine until it got ugly.  Then I came in and I was… you guessed it, the heavy.
4. I was sitting on the bench with my TIME and Jen joined me later.  I made a remark to her that the parents will follow their child’s every movement.  The kid went down the slide, the parent moved… then up the stairs… they moved.  At one point there were 22 adults and 18 kids on the playground area, not the surrounding benches, the ACTUAL playground area.    Dude, let your kids play.  They are fine.

So when I become a daddy for real, I don’t know if someone will call CPS because I’m not hovering enough.