Insanity is a dish best served microwaved

That’s what I want to do to my backyard.  Bite the pin and launch a grenade.  I really hate yards and I have a doozie of a backyard.  When I bought the house, the backyard was pathetically done.  The previous owners had a garden of some sort and a compost pile.  So no grass for the robman in certain areas of the yard.  In addition there isn’t an underground sprinkler system.  Instead, I have a patchwork of above ground sprinklers on various timers around the house.

Playing with the sprinklers has been a pain in my ass for about the last month when I realized I had to water the lawn daily.   Adjusting the range of each sprinkler to make sure it actually watered what was needed instead of the road, fence, or my windows.  I have them set to go off around 6a each day so the grass doesn’t burn.  With all of them running, it’s going to suck when I have to take a shower that early and not have water pressure.  It’s already happened the few times I’ve been up that early since June.  Well this morning, I was tired of being woken up (I still had three hours of sleep coming to me) by the sprinkler hitting the window of the mudroom.   So I went outside to adjust the sprinkler quickly with plans to go immediately back to bed.  Not gonna happen.  I also realized that another sprinkler wasn’t working properly.  After fiddling with it for 20 minutes with no success, I noticed ANOTHER sprinkler with its hose detached.  I went to the front yard and fixed it.  Then magically the other sprinkler started to work, annoying sprinkler stopped hit the window, and I was happily climbing back into bed.  Sadly, I was wide awake.  Damn you backyard… but I fell asleep for a bit longer.

But my efforts with the backyard weren’t complete for the evening.  When I got home from softball (another victory) I started to spray the weeds, rake the rotting loquot fruit from the ground, and weeding the flower beds.  I wanted to get that all done to do the fun project…hanging lights.  I bought some cool icicle lights to hang from my house to my garage for my Sangria party on Saturday.  After two hours of messing with them, I realized that these icicle lights were just too heavy to do what I wanted to do.  In the process I probably smashed at least 30 lights that I now I have to replace.  At around 10:30, after messing with another hose for 20 minutes for yet another sprinkler to water another dead spot on the yard, I came in a broken man.  The yard had destroyed my pride and will.  People said that I couldn’t get field turf, but I’m second guessing their wisdom because it sounds really good right about now.