Insanity is a dish best served microwaved

I have some pretty amazing friends.  I have been lucky in my life to have encountered so many great people.  Today I went for a run with my friend Susan who is as old as my mom, but is so easy to talk to when running.  I haven’t seen her since last Friday and it was nice to catch up. 

Then I went over to my friend Sandy’s house for dinner.  We walked down to one of her friend’s house and played with their kids.  Then, we walked back to her house… while I was walking back to her house, my friend Ashlee called.  She’s in town from D.C. to visit.  Even if I get to see her for a day, it’s enough for me. 

I am having lunch with an old friend Jake this week.  Maybe we’ll start mending our friendship from a few years of hatias.  It will be fun to get back to a point when we aren’t walking on eggshells any more. 

Then there’s always Ken and Linda to keep me busy on my e-mail.  I know it’s free group therapy… but it’s fun too.

Blessed am I.

I’ve been gone the last few days to be up in Lake Amador to help rake pine needles for our Active 20/30 club.  Last year this was a blast.  We went up on Friday night and had a party.  Hung over on Saturday we raked for about 4 hours and knocked it out.  We got to take a little nap and had another party Saturday night.  It was great because we had about 12-14 people there helping… this year we had 7. 

The place was huge, but we managed to get it done with some help with some other people.  We felt bad because we didn’t get the numbers we promised.  I worked hard–not to the point of collapse–but hard enough for charity. 

At dinner we got into a discussion about the future of the club.  I was starting to get upset because I always feel like I’m bitching about something.  I’m usually the bitcher, but more of the doer.  But I am just an ordinary member, by choice at the moment, so I don’t have much say in the process.  Which is neat for me because usually I’m leading instead of following. I have to be honest when I’m frustrated and I was last night.  I think I hurt some people’s feelings, but I just don’t think they care what others think–only a select few. 

This leaves me at a weird junction.  I like the people in the club, but I don’t feel that I am getting anything out of being in the club.  So, do I spend the $200 and be in a subpar club with the hopes that I can make it better or do I walk away?  This isn’t a life changing decision–but I rarely walk away from something I decide to do. 

But I did have a good time this weekend hanging out and it was just nice to get away.  I got back today and went to the gym because I felt guilty for staying inside on a day like this.  My reward was getting a little too pink for my liking out in the sun by the pool.  I slabbed some aloe on it and we’re good to go. 

My random thought of tonight is about toothbrushes.  I busted open my new toothbrush.  I was using thinking WOW this is the one… but I know three months from now, it will be just like all the others and wind up in the garbage can.  It will be replaced by whatever free toothbrush that was attached to the top of my toothpaste.  Is that symbolic or what?

I love Chico… I really do.  But sometimes this place absolutely baffles me.  Today was one of those days.  I have a job that is extremely flexible.  I can work pretty much any time, any where.  So, when there’s days that I am lucky enough to work from home, I don’t usually shower until I go to the gym.  Today, I was meeting my friend Julie for lunch.  In my planning of my day, I figured I would go to the gym around 10:15 in time to work out, shower, and be on time for lunch.  I walked across the street to the gym (a very nice perk for my living situation) and was amazed how many people were there.  It’s 10:15 A.M. on a THURSDAY morning! For the love of god, don’t they work.  I mean not everyone can have a job like mine…. people have to work.  Nope.  The place was packed. 

Now I’ll give you the run of the mill senior citizens that occupy the gym during the day.  I think since Bob retired from the Price Is Right, they figured there is something better to do with that hour… AARP must be losing it’s pull in viewership.  In addition, I have to add in the college students with their flexible schedules.  Still, there were plenty of middle aged people there–they all can’t be professors!

Well I got my workout done and all is well in the world.  A relative easy day tomorrow and then off to Lake Amador to rake pine needles.    I hate yard work.  When I own a house, I’m putting astroturf down so I don’t have to mow the lawn.  But this is for a good cause, so I guess I’ll suck it up.

My life is coasting right now, so I thought that I would blog about something else…

I am a moderate Democrat.  I believe in helping people in an efficient way.  I hate government waste and greed.  I am a strong supporter of state’s rights and the separation of power.  To many this would make me a Republican.  However, I believe it is the state’s (nation) best interest to provide energy, water, transportation, and education to its people at a low profit.  California missed a golden opportunity earlier in this decade of purchasing PG&E and Edison Electric when the energy crisis hit and they needed the state to bail them out.  Right now, as we pay nearly $4 a gallon for gas, we could have MUCH lower electric bills thanks to our state owned energy company.  We could have also been supplementing our deficit with income with our low profit from our energy as well.  Oh well, we missed that train–and the high speed train that California will probably never see.  That’s what makes me a Democrat.  Helping everyone live a better life together.

But my party is heading for a very nasty and very public showdown.  The DNC is going to be an all out floor fight in front of millions of people.  From my historical training, I am salivating at the chance to watch a floor fight and all the backstage dealing that will come it.  For that I love politics for the rush.  Yet, this is NOT good for the party nor our nation.  Just like the Bush-Gore election, our country came out of the process feeling jaded and a less united behind our leader.  For as much as a dislike our President, he is just that–our President.  I didn’t vote for him.  Yet, I did with my vote for the system that our country had chosen.  We have, for over 200 years, transitioned power from one leader to the next without violence.  I am afraid the way our current political system is heading, I can’t confidently say that we will have 300 years of peaceful transitions. 

Our country has become much more regionalized as the needs of each area has been magnified exponentially.  The corn farmer is Iowa has much different worries and needs than a software programmer in the Silicon Valley.  As those gaps grow further apart, the direction of our country will become more fractured.  I don’t think there’s an easy fix to our problems as a country.  We are stuck in a war that, no matter how hard our soldiers fight, we are not going to win; we have a serious energy program that has now spilled into our food supply; people are losing their houses that they really shouldn’t have been able to qualify to buy in the first place; we have an aging air and ground transportation system that are on the brink of collapse.  But we as a country as large as our will never agree on a fix unless something drastic such as an attack or disaster will require us to pick up the pieces together.

I think this election is a cross-road for our country and our style of democracy.   The best thing about the Constitution is that the writers of it knew it was fallible.  They knew this because they gave us a way to change it.  These men were not gods.  They were average men that did their homework on styles of government and tried to blend the theories that they thought would work best for what they were dealing.  Keep in mind that they were dealing with 13 states when the wrote it and maybe a million and some change in people if there were lucky.  Our country is a bit larger now than it was then.  Maybe a solution to our problem is to create regional governments that send representatives.  I don’t know if helps or hurts the problem with another layer of government in place.  Yet, these new regional governments would be more apt and flexible to respond to the needs to the people it serves than what is currently in place in our federal government. 

“When we talk about settling the world’s problems, we’re barking up the wrong tree. The world is perfect. It’s a mess. It has always been a mess. We are not going to change it. Our job is to straighten out our own lives.”  Joseph Campbell

My friend Linda posted this in my comment from a past posting.  Oh goodness, I guess this is how people feel about the Bible.  It’s the right words at the right time.  I’ve had few times in my life when I felt the fog has cleared and I could see clearly.   I’ve been stewing or evolving as you will in the last few days.  I have always been a realist.  But within my realism contained this idea that I could change a little bit about everyone one I have come in contact.  To some extent this is true, but not the way that I was seeing it. 

I am so worried about everyone else’s needs and worries that I never left myself time to worry about mine.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m a pretty egotistical guy.  No one loves me more than me.  But I think there within lies my problem.  I threw the walls up and people could only see within the crack within the walls.  I have a hard time talking about myself. I mean reallytalking about myself.  I will go on rants about my day and my encounters from the day.  But I’ve got my friends and family trained not to dig deeper.  I never really get into philosophy debates and value discussions.  I’m just the funny, most of the time inappropriate comedy side kick. 

I have been asked to speak at one of my schools next month.  This school in particular is kind of near and dear to me.  This high school I should have attended if I went to my neighborhood school.  This school also was the scene of a very tragic shooting on May 1, 1992.  A date, that forever in my life I will remember.  Four students and a teacher died on that day. The story is online at http://www.columbine-angels.com/lindhurst_story.htm.

My point of this digression is that school has experienced pain for decades.  Just when the healing was almost complete, they lost their principal to a car accident.  Three years later, they have healed and are resurfacing as a place to be educated. 

I grew up for the most part of life about a half-mile from the school.  I didn’t attend a day at the school, but I still feel connected to it and the students that go there now.  I want to share with them that people from this area (a mostly Hmong, Hispanic, and habitually poor white) can make themselves successful.  I have had to work hard to get everything that I have today.  I was blessed with some gifts given to me naturally.  Some others, I have honed to be assets as well.  My parents just expected me to do well, but rarely provided structure or support for it.  My grandparents were bigger influences in my life because they are the ones that really pushed me to excel.  The little “bonuses” that g-pa usually gave me for my report card didn’t hurt either.  However, I just knew that were so proud of me and it showed.  I worked hard thanks to their encouragement.  I don’t blame my parents at all either.  Both were very young when they had me and it was a struggle to keep food on the table and a roof over our heads.  My mom has her high school diploma, but my dad doesn’t even have that.  I remember when I was in the 6th grade, it was really bad.  My dad wasn’t working much because of the last housing down turn.  I remember for the first time seeing what a food stamp was.  I also remember eating elk because it was in the freezer.  I didn’t realize how much stress it was putting on my parents to the point of almost getting a divorce.  But from stories I’ve heard, my dad’s life as a kid was much harder than I could imagine–but have a bothered to ask?  How selfish of me.

Things were better as I got older and I was in high school.  Maybe because I started working when I was a sophomore and because some what financially independent of my parents.  By by junior year, I was completely independent of them.  I very rarely asked them for money for anything really that I can remember. 

I did want a car.  I started to work for a convenience store down the street from my house.  It was a pretty good job for high school.  They paid well and it was close to my house.  At the time, I was driving the 94 Aerostar van that had a huge dent in the driver side door and that had been stolen once.  But for work, I just walked back and forth each night.  Well one night as I was walking home around 10 at night, I got mugged.  They didn’t hurt me and didn’t get any money because I didn’t have any.  Surprisingly I wasn’t too scared.  I just let them pat me down and they took off.  I think my grandparents got scared and the next week, they had bought me a car.  Of course, I would pay them back.  A few years after my grandpa passed away, my g-ma gifted the car to me because she thought that’s what grandpa wanted.

I just have so many thought swirling in my head tonight.  I don’t think that talking to these kids will change the world in a few weeks.  But what I think it will do is give them another example of someone who made something for themselves.  But also remembering it’s not the village the defines you, but it’s you that defines the village.

Today was a better day.  I felt more like myself and getting back into the swing of things.  I went out to Maxwell to fix my little screw up from last week.  I received the wrong school’s announcements and I delivered them.  I felt like an idiot.   I had to call the plant, get called arrogant, and fight to get my announcements.  I was just frustrated in general all week.  But that was last week… new week this week.

I met with another prospect today and although I wasn’t still fully in my game, I was feeling more like it.  I made a presentation of my programs and at least peaked their interest.  When I go back next month my A game will be back. 

Then, I went to RV and YC.  I always feel loved at both schools and it was just nice to have that feeling again after a rough few days.  I also talked to my friend Linda and finally helped process the last lingering effects of the screw up.  I think I am ready to move forward and enjoy the rest of a rather light week.

Tonight I officiated my last powder puff game this year.  Whew.  The game was RV vs YC… two cross town rivals.  Thankfully the game was pretty competitive, so there wasn’t really any hair pulled or tears.  I think sometimes we should put the girls in pads and let them go at it… it would be much more entertaining and they can get their frustrations out.

But for now, I have three days to put my office back to gether and get a whole  lot of homework done.

I learned last week that I can’t be everything to everyone. I try so hard to be what every one wants of me.  Not because I’m scared that they will not be my friend any more; it’s more of an endless appetite to please people.  It’s a huge flaw in my character and I don’t know how to fix it.  My friends and support unit doesn’t expect me to do anything more than be their friend.  However, I feel that I have to go above and beyond that to do things for them.  It’s not that I wouldn’t want to do anything for them, but I hate having the feeling of letting someone down.  Some people try to avoid confrontation at any cost, I avoid letting people down.  I won’t do anything that is grossly illegal or immoral, but I’ve danced the line of my own ethics.  I just don’t know how to stop myself before I even get to the line?  I know my friends and family love me and support me.  They don’t want to put me in that position.  But I do it and then run myself mentally and physically tired when my judgment just goes. 

I also think that sometimes I’m a wimp.  I constantly need to step back and recharge.  Then I see these other people that just go, go, go.  I wonder if I’m just whining because I need to take time for myself to recharge my batteries?  I mean, I do work a lot.  I make a joke that I don’t really work, but it really is just a facade for the most part.  There’s not a day in the week that I am not doing SOMETHING for work around my house.  It just flows with my day so much that I don’t realize that I’m working.  But the thing is that I’m surrounded by job.  I can’t escape it.  The phone rings at 6p on a Sunday evening.  Why?  Because it’s easier to deal with it then, than having to call them back.  Plus, in some weird way, I feel I’m letting them down if I don’t answer it.  It’s a sick little cycle I’ve got myself into.

Well something had to give and it did.  I put myself in a position where my judgment was poor and it got me in trouble.  I’ve spent the weekend really thinking about it.  Of course the best place for me to process things is while I’m running.  I don’t need to be THAT person for everyone.  I’m not a therapist or someone that has to be there for everything someone needs.  There are some people that I will still do anything for at anytime.  But I don’t need to be there for my former students, club members, or distant friends.  They will still be part of my life, but I am not part of their support unit and them not of mine.  I have to really look at who is supporting me in my life and support those people in the same way.

When I look at my life now, I feel I have it under control.  But when I really look at it where my commitments run, I can see where I’m tiring myself out.  First there’s work.  I’m officiating another powder puff game for my customers.  Although I enjoy doing it, it’s above and beyond what I need to do for my customers.  I just always jump in there because I felt the same way when I was an Activities Director.  Plus, it’s graduation season and I’m running around in circles to make everyone happy. Second, there’s my master’s program.  This semester has been not bad, but carrying nine master’s level units, working full time, and trying to have a life is beating me up.  I just feel that it’s just ANOTHER thing.  I know it will pay off for me in the long run, but I’m just ready to give up. Then I have my service club.  Which I enjoy, but it’s more work than what I am getting out of it.  It takes up two Tuesday nights a week and I’ve met some great people from it.  However, I don’t really hang out with these people outside of the club meetings, so I don’t know if it’s really worth the time commitment.  Finally, there’s my friend commitments.  Saying yes to dinner when I have homework or had dinner defrosting at home.  Rearranging my schedule to make something work for someone else when I really needed to keep the schedule the way I had it planned.  Just saying yes to hang out when I really just need some alone time.

So I think that’s where I am, I need alone time to refocus and recenter myself.  I got rocked last week and until I can feel that I’m re-centered, I don’t think I am good to anyone–including myself.

The last two days have been windy.  I mean like grab onto a pole or you’re going to blow over.  I’ve had quite the busy last few days…. so let’s go back to Saturday.

Saturday was my workload day. I cleaned my house, my car, went for a run on a beautiful day,  did homework, and sat out by the pool.  I was also proud of myself because I didn’t drive any where.  At $3.71 a gallon, I am saving more than a few pennies.  Over all, I got a ton done.

Sunday-  Started out with my sick obsession of clearning out duplicate songs in my itunes library.  I started doing it on Friday, but decided that I must finish the deed.  So after nearly six hours and me throwing my computer at the wall, I finished it.  I cleaned off a ton of space on my hard drive and I was feeling pretty good about myself.  Then, my cousin Josh called me and in our conversation mentioned that there’s a program that would have done that in about 10 minutes.  Thanks Josh.

Then I was extending my streak of not driving to two days.  I rode my bike on another beautiful day to Trader Joes to get some groceries for the week.  I felt so free away from my car.  I strolled on my bike with my ipod and was just enjoying the process of getting to the store.  It wasn’t a chore.  It also limited my spending because I didn’t want to lug a gallon of juice in my back pack home.  I didn’t need it really.

While I was riding home, I got a call from Danielle.  I called her back and she asked me if she wanted to go the movies.  I was all over that.  I’m kind of (to use Masson’s word) smitten with this girl.  She’s cute, determined, and funny.  We went to see “Street Kings” which was good, but disappointing because the corruption they mention in the movie is most likely true.  We then came back to my house for dinner.  While I cooked, she called her customers.  It was perfect for both of us.  We then had dinner and talked.  After dinner, we started to talk about work and sales.  We swapped some ideas and I gave her some books my company gave me.  It was great because her energy fired me up to do my job.  And she is great and I hope to see more of her soon.  I also introduced her to wii and that went over semi-well.  By the way, renting games is ridiculous.  I spent $18 renting two games. What a rip!

Monday- I worked from home in the early morning getting ready for a two day trip to Yuba City.  Because the price of gas and my schedule, it was cheaper using my employee rate in YC than drive back and forth from Chico.  I went to my schools and got most of our products out for this year and planned out some work for 09.  I then FROZE my butt off officiating two powder puff games at River Valley.  They were fun, but I was so miserable from the wind.  I was so cold.  Then Masson and I went to In and Out and caught up.  He’s their new ASB president and a great kid.  I expect great things from him next year. 

Today- I woke up at the hotel and did some work since I thought I was supposed to be at RV at 8a.  This is part of the reason why I stayed the night.  It worked out better to be later in the day because of the wind made it so cold.  I spoke to the juniors in the football stadium.  The sound system was so bad that it echoed so much I couldn’t even speak because the echos were so overwhelming.  After the speeches, I hung out for lunch then headed back to Chico.

I met with a financial planner today to get my IRA started.  I’m 27 and I need to get some years in there so I can make some money for when I get old. The downside of working for Herff is that there’s no retirement.  So, I have to make a plan for myself if I do stay with this long-term.  I’m not going to have a pretty face my whole life.

I went to the gym and headed over to the Palms to see what we are doing for our mix off in May.  It’s going to be a cool event.  I feel better now that I have seen the place and got an idea of what we are going to be doing during the event.  So, if you want to shell out 50 bucks on May 3… help us out.

Last night I traveled out to Oroville to watch the great 80s cover band Tainted Love.  For all those who don’t know who they are, they are the bomb.  They used to come to Chico, but going out to Oroville for free.  I gathered a group of friends up and headed out to Oroville. 

On the way there, we met up at Burger King to carpool.  Being FREE Friday and all, we went in for the snack.  I can’t believe how many losers hang out at Burger King on Friday night.  Wow.  I guess what does that make me?  Anyway, we were in line to order when the cashier was helping the people in front of us.  He went to give them change.  He ran out of single dollars and he freaked out.  He had eight in his hand and was one short.  Instead of giving them four quarter and moving on, he had to call his asst manager to get it now.  What are our schools doing to these poor kids?  They have no ability to problem solve.  I sure hope that Bush is happy for what he’s done to schools.

Well we made it to the casino and Sandy was just beelining it the blackjack tables.  I, on the other hand, was there to drink and enjoy the concert.  We went in for one song and decided we need a drink. We found our other friends at the tables and hung out for a bit.   By the time we got back to concert, they were taking a break.  So, we got to watch the second half, watch a girl fight, and enjoyed a great concert. 

After the concert, I lost twenty bones, kept drinking, and enjoyed hanging out with my friends.  Today is a great weather day…. so I have to clean the house, do some homework, and just bop around today.

I remember when I started college in 1998, gas was 99 cents a gallon.  In less than ten years, it has mulitipled to almost 4 dollars a gallon.  YIKES!  That’s going to put a dent in anyone’s budget.  It has greatly affected my business because all I do is drive from school to school.   In reality, it has changed my business practices and my personal practices as well.

For instance, part of the reason why I love living where I do is that there’s really no place in town I can’t reach by my bike.  I try to plan my day out where I can ride my bike downtown to go to the post office and bank.  I love riding my bike soooooooooooo much… especially on days like today.  The sun shining in my face, light music or the sound of the city buzzing in my ears, and the soft wind whisping through my hair. Then comes my favorite part of going to downtown–riding through Bidwell Park.  I love how the sun jets in and out of the tree canopy as a glide down the road free of cars trying to run me over.

Sadly, this only covers about 15% of my transportation needs weekly.  The rest of the time, I’m behind the wheel driving my SUV (which is needed for work) to my schools.  I rescheuduled an appointment for tomorrow because it was the only one on my calendar for the area.  So, in many ways, it has made me work smarter and more efficient–which any three would do backflips to do. 

Another little pet peeve of mine lately has been directed at my company.  They were giving me grief about staying in the office to WORK.  They think the business just magically runs itself and paperwork just fills itself out.  WRONG.  The other thing that bugs me is that I’m running MY business.  I get more done and answer more questions from home on my computer than I could ever do running around fruitlessly. Is that a word?  Let me run MY business they way I WANT to do it.  I’m making you money… so step off!

Tomorrow night is going to be bomb because it’s Tainted Love concert in Oroville.  We are going in a large group and going to rock out to 80s music.   AND this weekend is going to be 80 plus degree weather.   So if you need me, I’ll be by the pool… doing homework.