Filed under: family
Today I hung out with my cousin Josh. His grandpa (on the other side) passed away this week. He, like me to mine, was very close to him. I’m glad to know that he got to say goodbye on his terms and was prepared to let him go. It was sad in the same way because it also rehashed some of my feelings from when my g-pa passed away–unexpectedly. I wasn’t able to say goodbye like Josh did. But I still know he knew I loved him and that’s what mattered the most to me in the end.
But watching Josh deal with his loss is so much similar to how I did. He’s trying to take care of his g-ma and trying to be strong. I just know though when he is alone, which he hasn’t had a chance yet to be, it will all hit him. I think he needs a good cry to let it all out. We ran around town with the family making plans and picking things up for the service. Even though Jimmie wasn’t my g-pa, it still feels like family.
The title of this entry comes into play here. When we driving to order cookies, I noticed this giant slide at the local park. When we drove by it a second time, I pulled over and told my cousin and his girlfriend we just need to have a slide moment. We got out of the car climbed up to the top of this massive child’s slide and let it rip. For being a playground slide, it was pretty darn impressive. We all got a giggle, got back into car, and continued on our mission.
However, it reminded me that our inner child sometimes needs attention too. It still feels pain and sadness just like the rest of us. Sometimes we put it aside to deal with our adult emotions and responsiblities. Yet, it is in our inner child that our heart and soul reside. It is what makes us who we are and why we grieve too. For it our inner child that longs for the times spent with people you love that you were so blessed to have in your life while you were young. The road trips, holidays, and lessons they taught. You might have forgetten them, but your heart and inner child won’t let them go. Sometimes you have to have a little play date with your inner child to have them remember all those great, special times you had with those you love.
So inner child, you got to play today. I wish you can play more, but the sad reality is that the adult runs my life more than I would like it. I wish to go back and spend more time building forts, having sleep overs, and just being a kid with you. But those times are lost, but not gone. Hopefully when the circle of life, I can bring you out again more and introduce you to my children. I know you will make great friends.
To those that have passed before us, the human condition allows us to grieve and share the good times you helped provide. The rituals and flowers will come and go in flash. When the dust settles, what you provided to this world is what will remain. The connections you made, lives you touched, the differences you have made–those are what people gathered around food will share. The life you made for yourself–both the good and the bad–will be celebrated. And in the afterlife, you might find a child swinging on a swing unable to comprehend all that is going around him or her. Find them, grab a swing and reconnect. There is no pain, no suffering, no loss… you and your inner child will be able to be one again and watch the ones you love.
