So yesterday, I got the pleasure of hanging out with my friend Linda. Linda and I used to teach together when I first started teaching. She also informed me that I am as great as I am because of her wise guidance. To a degree, she is correct. Well, Linda made the very exciting journey up to Chico to “borrow” most of my teaching materials. I use the word “borrow” because I am most likely not to see them again for about another two years when Linda changes jobs again.
I am a person that gives pretty freely. But when it comes to my teaching materials, I am pretty territorial. As any good teacher, I collect stupid shit with the idea that I will find a use for it in my class. And like most teachers, I will wind up with 30 empty toilet paper rolls in my cabinet with no apparent use. The point is they are mine and you need to step the fuck off. Yet, I have also come to the realization that I don’t see myself going back to the classroom anytime soon. When I have those resources and I am not using them, I start to feel guilty. Hense, this is where Linda comes in. She is going to be the warden of my items for the next few years.
It really was a win-win because I have no idea where I was going to shove all that crap in my new house when it is built in November. We went into my garage and started to rummage through my treasures. At the end, Linda was taking home most of teaching items with the exception of things that she couldn’t use or I wouldn’t give up… like my Shakespere poster.
To give you a little background, I am a fan of Shakespere. I’m not an avid fan, just a fan. I can appreciate his humor and creative genious in his writing. When I was in England in 2001, I bought a series of posters that I found interesting and/or enlightening.
Earlier in the day, Linda used the restroom where these posters are on display. She told me that should have my poster because she NEEDS it. Not where did you get it so I can get one or can you get me one. NO, I NEED it. I told her no. That was my poster and I liked it very much. I was sure she could find the quote on it by googling it and she would be fine. I thought the point was over.
We were getting ready to go to the movies when I noticed something in her hand from the bathroom. It was the fucking poster! She pulled it off my wall and thought I wouldn’t notice it in her hand! She needed it. I just laughed and took it out of her hand. But I was surprised how far Linda would go to get the poster. If it were anyone else, I would have chopped their hands off. However, it’s Linda. As she would say, it’s my world and you’re just living in it. Touche, Linda, touche.
In the world of cell phones, it’s hard to imagine what we did without them. It just struck me to think, I’m totally screwed if I ever lose it. That’s a pretty scary though considering the fact that it travels everywhere with me. That makes the chances pretty high that I will lose it, or as times before, dropped in a lake or take it in the shower with me. On those rare occassions that my phone isn’t with me, I am totally seperated from my world. I couldn’t call for help if needed. Who would I call? Considering the fact I only remember three people’s phone numbers, one of those being mine, I am running a pretty good risk of being stuck on the highway by myself being picked up by a guy named Bubba that smells oddly like sour cream.
Yes. I love my cell phone. I can walk through the grocery store yapping pointlessly to my friends or family while choosing my tasty box of cereal. It has gotten me home on those nights driving on boring 99. It has also gotten me in trouble because I figured my friends wanted to hear from me at one in the morning when I’m drinking. Make no mistake about it, the passion for my phone runs deep.
But, I must also warn that we have become too dependant on one item. When that happens, we get things like SPAM and the pet rock. You must diversfy you brain and make some room for some phone numbers. Otherwise, that time when you are too damn lazy to get out the car to get gas and you run out on country route 45 will be a long walk home.
Okay, yesterday was my friend’s wedding and I wasn’t there. Before you get ready to heave tomatoes at my sorry ass, hear me out. For the whole story, I have to go back oh five years. At this time we all lived together. I have always been the one to be the hammer. If there’s a problem, I always have to be there to resolve the conflict. We had a conflict with my friend and his girlfriend. So, of course I’m the one that has to be a tool and say something about it.
Well that didn’t go as planned. He got butthurt and it didn’t get any better. Well one night, yours truly got hammered–cause that’s what hammers do–and happened to run into my ex-girlfriend who had a flair for the dramatics. She also knew my friend’s girlfriend and I knew that. So who else better to tell how much I hated this girl than Vanessa. Drunk Robby doesn’t make the best decisions.
Keep in mind that Vanessa enjoyed drama and proceeded to tell Kelly what I said which of course came back to my friend Jake. Naturally, he was a little pissed at me. So here comes the hammer again–trying to break through the conflict. I apologized for my shitty remarks, though true, about his girlfriend. But trying to be resolve to this conflict we had this conversation:
Robby: “Are you going to marry this girl? If you’re going to marry her, I’ll find a way to get along with her.”
Jake: “If she sticks around, I will.”
At that is the end of our friendship as I know it. Seven years of friendship is worth less than a girl who you’ll marry if she sticks around. DING. (I didn’t come up with “DING” until MUCH later)
Back to this year. I moved back to Chico (aka HEAVEN) in September. I have had little contact with Jake since that day in his room. Occassionally, I would drunk text message him–which is weird because he’s not in my phone, but I remember his number. Hmmm.. another thought train on that one. But when I got back to town he wanted to reconnect. I was very hesitant for two reasons. One, his girlfriend, now fiance, REALLY doesn’t like me by now. And two, I was hurt by the whole situation in the first place. I hung out with him once at the gym and it was a half hearted effort. He tried to invite me to the wedding, but I kept dodging the topic with our common friends. Finally, he caught me because I answered my cell phone because I didn’t recognize the number. Cheeky bastard.
The inviation arrived and I just put it in the basket and forgot about it. I was going to take him to lunch and explain why I wasn’t going, but I just couldn’t. So like most people in denial, I hoped that it would just go away. And like most things in life, it didn’t.
On Friday, my friend Sandy was hosting a dinner for all of our common friends that were in town for the wedding. I figured that since it was the night before the wedding, that Jake and Kelly would be busy doing wedding things. It was safe for me to peer my head out in the public. Wrong. They had their rehersal dinner the night before. But I had already committed to my friend Sandy that I would come. Then, I tried to weasel my way out of it. But I felt bad for my friend Sandy. She was trying to bridge the two of us like she always did. She updated what I was doing to Jake and the same to me. It was like an estranged family and it’s sad. But I’m still hurt by the whole sitaution and I’ve tried to be nice and stay out of the picture. He and Kelly showed up at Sandy’s house and we were nice to each other. There’s no hate–just six years of missing time. And I don’t know how to fill it. My friend Sandy totally covered me before and told Jake that I was busy with Relay for Life all day and that’s why I couldn’t make the wedding–which was partly true. The other part was I just couldn’t be there knowing there’s no resolve. The hammer can’t have that.
Yesterday was the wedding and I had a lovely day with my friend Linda. I felt fine for missing the wedding. I didn’t belong there. Even after the last minute invite, I couldn’t bring myself to going. That ship has sailed for me. In time, I hope I have the maturity to bring myself to solving the conflict, but for now, I’ll keep my head in the sand.
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